Liberal Jewish Values and Practice Leaflets

Death & Mourning

"Man's days are as grass; he blossoms like a flower of the field. For the wind passes over it and it is gone, and its place knows it no more." All religions come to terms with the mortality of human beings in their own way. For some, it is the prime concern of their spiritual exploration; for others, such as Judaism, it is a matter on which little time is spent. This is because, underpinning the vast structure of Jewish law and thought, there lies the strong belief that this world, this life, this tangible existence is the experience to which we must address our energies; the next life, with all its uncertainties, is not for too much speculation. With this attitude firmly entrenched, Jewish law makes admirable provision for those who mourn, whilst the person who is dying receives somewhat less attention in the traditional sources.

THE DYING PERSON.
Traditional Judaism has it that the person who is dying must not be helped in any way to do so more quickly than nature intended, whether by euthanasia or by life-shortening pain-relieving drugs. This was, and sometimes still is, used as a reason not to tell people that they are dying, on the basis that the knowledge of their impending death will make them give up hope, and therefore hasten their death. There are various reasons for telling or not telling, but if someone makes it clear that he or she wants to know, and the family knows, then no justification can be made for not allowing someone to live out the last days of life in an atmosphere of honesty, with dignity and at peace. Dying people should be allowed to come to terms as fully as possible with the impending end, including making confession where that is desired, along with family and friends.

WAYS OF MOURNING.
Once a death has taken place, people vary considerably in what they require, and in how traditional they want to be. For that reason, in Liberal Judaism it is very much left up to the bereaved family to decide how they wish tQ hold the funeral and mourn afterwards. Rabbis and congregational leaders will give guidance where it is required, and explain practices at the time, but no-one within Liberal Judaism is compelled to carry out rituals which they do not want to perform. The preponderant practice in Liberal Judaism is to let families and individuals make up their own minds whether they prefer burial or cremation, without any pressure being applied, and people choose both in roughly equal numbers. Orthodox Jews are not allowed cremation, for a variety of reasons. One is that cremation is thought a pagan rite, and one that shows a lack of respect for the human body. As well as that, cremation was thought to destroy the Os coccyx, the bone at the base of the spine from which Jewish tradition thought that resurrection would take place. Liberal Judaism does not believe in physical resurrection and regards the body as merely a vessel, with no immortality of its own. As well as that, for excellent ecological reasons many Jews feel cremation is preferable to burial, because it does not waste land. A very few Liberal Jews give their bodies to medical research so that there is nothing left to dispose of. Liberal Judaism encourages organ donation where appropriate, unlike Orthodox Judaism which tends only to allow cornea donation, and does not insist on the customary very speedy funeral if some such procedure is being undertaken.

AFTER THE FUNERAL.
After the funeral, some Liberal Jews observe the traditional seven days' mourning (shiv'ah), holding prayers in their home every evening, with relatives and friends coming to pay their respects, often bringing a gift of food with them. Others will have only one night of prayers in the home. In both cases the custom is for refreshments to be served after the prayers are over, and for friends and relatives to stay around to offer their support and comfort, even if that comfort comes in the form of a gift of food, rather than words. For many people it is extremely difficult to find the right words to say on these occasions, but they nevertheless want to help. Some families will not even have one night of prayers, although that is becoming less common, as clear evidence emerges of the psychological benefits of the Jewish mourning procedures. After the Shiva there is a period of less intense mourning which lasts for 30 days (Sh'loshim) from the funeral, again not observed by all Liberal Jews but by some. There follows a period of eleven months (also from the funeral) of still less intense mourning, until the time comes round for the erection of the tombstone (matzevah) either eleven months or a year after the death. Although not all Liberal Jews observe all these traditional stages of mourning, there is some evidence to suggest that they match up to the stages of grief experienced by most people. No-one suggests that at the end of the year the grieving is over, but the tombstone consecration is a kind of marker, in that it declares that life must go on and that the view has to turn outwards again to the world.

COMMUNAL SUPPORT.
During all these stages it is for the community to support families in their grief and to give comfort wherever possible. This applies to the funeral itself, to the prayers afterwards, and to the weeks and months after that, for the ritual surrounding a bereavement is only a beginning, providing the basis of a structure for the expression of grief.

CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS.
Surrounding all these customs there are laws and traditions, and superstitions, some of which are actively discouraged by Liberal Judaism. An example is the prohibition on anyone from the priestly class (Kohanim) going to the funeral or out into the cemetery. Liberal Judaism believes it is wrong to deprive anyone of the privilege of mourning. Similarly the Anglo-Jewish custom of women not going to funerals is discouraged, since women need to grieve as much as men. There are customs such as keri'ah, the tearing of garments, which are discouraged in Liberal Judaism, though universal in orthodoxy, but they occur occasionally nevertheless. There are also common superstitions such as the covering of mirrors and the emptying of vases and jugs of water, which do no harm although they probably have their origins in general folklore rather then Judaism. But in the end it is for the bereaved family to set the pace, and to make it clear what they wish to do.

THE AFTERLIFE.
After a death, however, and in the weeks and months of mourning thereafter, people often ask questions about the afterlife. Judaism's attitude to death and immortality has changed considerably over the centuries. In the period of the Bible, for instance, there is little evidence of any belief in an afterlife at all. The talk is of Sheol - some distant, shady, indeterminate place. But the Pharisees (possibly under Greek or Persian influence) evolved a more definite belief in "the life of the world to come", to be attained by the righteous immediately upon death, by virtue of the immortality of the soul, or at the end of time, through bodily resurrection. Then the Messiah would come and the bodies of the righteous would rise up - whilst the wicked would have no part of this eternal reward. Other theories included a world to come where the righteous would go after death, ill-defined but pleasant, with no hunger and no poverty. It was the answer to the age-old question, recurring in every generation, as to why the wicked prosper whilst the righteous fail to thrive. The answer, in the rabbinic period, came to be that this life was not the end, and that it would all be resolved in the next world, where justice would be done. Liberal Jews have been less than convinced about these theories, and on the whole tend to reject the idea of a personal Messiah, at whose coming all the righteous dead would arise and live in unadulterated bliss. Physical resurrection generally has been rejected as unreasonable, which had led to the rewording of the second paragraph of the Amidah; instead of the traditional "mechayyeh ha-metim" (who brings the dead to life) we had "mechayyeh ha-kol" (who gives life to all), a very different thing. Immortality of the soul is another matter altogether, however, and Liberal Jews have tended to accept that principle, although definitions vary quite considerably. Most common is the belief that the soul exists before an individual is born and never dies, which is why we read in the Amidah: "note'a betocheinu chayyei olam" (who has implanted within us eternal life). But for some Liberal Jews, the immortality is less that of some distinct element of a human being called the soul than the way in which individuals are remembered after their deaths - true immortality consists of never being forgotten by the generations which succeed us.

EMPHASIS ON THE LIVING.
Immediately after a death the emphasis switches to the living, their needs, aspirations and comfort. As mourners say the Kaddish, the mourners' prayer, they affirm the majesty of God and His supremacy, to emphasise that God is present at all times, in joy and in sorrow, in life and at death. But it also emphasises that life goes on, and that the living must continue the work which the person who has died was forced to abandon, that of building God's kingdom on earth.